I’m Starting a Support Group (with an enabled comment section)

Yesterday was a not-good-really-quite-bad-awful-kind-of-day.

Sydney woke up fussing, fussed through breakfast and then started pinching. She was in a foul, no good mood.

I decided we should spend the beautiful morning (IT’S FINALLY SPRING IN MN) outside. So I said, “Let’s go to the park.” Knowing that we didn’t have much time because the flooring installer was coming at 10 to fix our faulty, still quite new, floor.

I negotiated Rex out of his winter coat, and into spring appropriate outer wear, and then repeated the same process with footwear.

Sydney allowed me to put her shoes and coat on with minimal resistance, but then did the whole arched-back-stiff-as-a-board-collapse-in-a-fit-of-shrill-screaming thing when I tried to buckle her into the stroller. I won. Barely.

While at the park, I made the mistake of being the first one down the slide. Awesome. It looked like I peed my pants. We stayed for a bit, but not long enough in a certain someone’s opinion so I had to coax and negotiate with a whiny Rex most of the way home.

The rest of the day consisted of much of the same – negotiating, re-directing, whining, audible sighing on my part, and many other unpleasantries said in my head or under my breath.

When an exhausted Tyler got home from work, I was fit to be tied, and the kids were restless. Those three things in tandem, do not a happy home make.

We ate dinner (and if I’m being honest, we did not enjoy each others’ company), and then decided to take a walk to the park.

You can imagine about how well that went. I will spare you the not-good-really-quite-bad-awful-kind-of-day details.

Tyler and I argued (I’m using that term loosely) when we got home. Yes, in front of the kids. The kind of argument that leaves you both cursing your younger self for “choosing” each other and saying nasty things in your head. It was ugly. I cried…out of frustration, guilt, and sheer exhaustion. Commence shame spiral.

Sometimes, when I have a not-good-really-quite-bad-awful-kind-of-day, the only answer is to “sleep it off.” So that’s what I did. I slept…

But, I woke up (at 5 AM) with no more patience or perspective than I had yesterday…until I went to Target and wound up next to the mother of the toddler in a “I’ve-never-been-this-devastated-in-my-life” kind of tantrum. I wanted so badly to say, “Take heart. I’ve been there. This too shall pass. I’m not judging you,” but she wouldn’t make eye contact.

I imagine she cried when she got to her car. I say this because she looked on the verge of tears inside the store, and speaking from experience, that feeling only intensifies during the walk of shame out of the store.

While I, in no way shape or form, enjoyed watching her public torture, it was comforting to know that I am not alone…it’s not just my kids… or just my life. It’s all of us. We are all struggling [most days].

So, to that end, I’m starting a support group :). We can meet at the grocery store…the library…Target…the mall. Heck, we can meet right here on this blog. We can smile at each other and say, “Take heart. I’ve been there. This too shall pass.” We can refrain from judgement and we will always be kind. We can share our not-good-really-quite-bad-awful-kind-of-day stories, NOT because misery loves company, but because EVERYONE is fighting some kind of battle and EVERYONE needs a cheering section.

Let’s start a support group called “Sometimes Life is Ridiculously Hard.” Let’s share our stories and cheer each other on.

I will start, “Hi. I’m Sarah. I’m a mom. I love my kids. Sometimes I fail. Last night, I fought with my husband in front of my kids.”

18 thoughts on “I’m Starting a Support Group (with an enabled comment section)

  1. I have totally had those days…most days!! With the kids, I can always hope that things ‘reset’ after nap time. But I don’t get that option with the husband. We have fought in front of the kids. We have told each other that we don’t think we are soul mates. We eventually get past it and better days come. Parenting is hard and brings a lot of stress into our lives…but thankfully some joy and happiness, too.

    • You have no idea how comforting it is to know that other people fight in front of their kids too (and say other not so nice things). Truly, thank you for sharing that with me!

      • I got more, just let me know if you need a pick me up! Haha But seriously, I think it’s ok to fight in front of your kids…because they also see the times of love. I think that that it’s important for them to see that you can be upset and then you can get over it and reconcile. Seems like a pretty important lesson to me! 🙂

  2. Ooh. I needed this support group at the grocery store this morning. A couple times I almost gave up and left without buying groceries because my girls were so challenging! But we perserved and survived and have a full fridge to show for it!

    I am loving your new blog. Keep up the good (honest) writing.

    PS. We fight in front of our kids too.

  3. Oh heavens…you are COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!! I’m one of those parents that doesn’t swear in front of kids and guess what I did a month ago…swore – we are talking full-fledged F bomb (twice)!! She cried just over me saying that. I felt bad, but honestly, not for long. She was more upset over me swearing that what actually happened. HAHA! I will have to say I felt very blessed to be able to stay home with Emma for the first couple years but I have to admit I was really anxious to get back to work! I need that adult interaction and not to mention I just really enjoy working. For me, it worked as I just wasn’t as crabby.I know you have two kids and you are doubly-blessed and just know you we have all been there, whether there is one, two or more. Kids can be very trying and challenging but at the end of the day, know that you are a good mom and doing the best you can! They know they are loved and that’s half the battle 🙂 We have told Emma before that we aren’t perfect, we do the best we can, and we learn from our mistakes, even has we age. I think it helps them as well, knowing we are all on this journey together and we live and learn, and hopefully learn from our mistakes! This was sort of therapeutic for me. Thanks for creating this!!

    • Aw, Jodi! This made me cry (in a good way). I’m definitely trying to learn from my mistakes, and slowly letting go of these ideals and standards I create in my brain for myself. I’m so glad I’m not alone. Thank you for participating!

  4. I’m glad you are trying to let go of those standards, will be much easier for you. I’m a type A as well and it gradually got easier!! Thanks for having this blog! I look forward to reading them!! You are definitely not alone in this journey! Hugs!

  5. “Hi. I’m Amanda. I am a part-time SAHM and I continuously feel guilty about something. I feed my kids convenience food because that is what they like and, well, it’s convenient. I allow wayyyy too much screen time at my house, even Ingrid is now begging for Elmo or Jo Jo’s Circus. I find myself hiding in my room sometimes with my Nook just to have 2 minutes alone. I don’t fight with my husband in front of my kids. Instead I push it down deep until eventually I explode at the nearest person or I just walk around and slam cupboards. Might be better to yell at each other. I craft as my therapy but my projects being left undone can drive me crazy. I get really mad when my kids wake me up at night. I like my sleep! Because I yell and get frustrated I think I over-compensate with projects and fun for my kids hoping they remember that instead of the times I was in a bad mood. I am glad I joined this support group and love that we are here for just that-support. No judging, no dirty looks…just moms being real. “

  6. Hi. I’m Deanne, and I have way more days like this than I care to count. The days where you lay in bed wondering if you’ve permanently messed up your kids in some awful, irreparable way. I have fought with my hubby in front of the kids (don’t anymore after our son told his Sunday school teacher that “Mommy an daddy yell at each other a lot”). And I also live in MN and am so thankful that Spring and Summer (nice weather) is on its way! We survived the 2013-2014 winter!!! That deserves celebration alone. 😉

    • Indeed it does deserve celebration!!!! The rain today put me in a foul “no good mommy” mood. Sunshine definitely improves my parenting. Haha.Being a parent is harder than I ever dreamed and it’s a dream come true which is a difficult pairing a lot of times!! Where about in MN do you call home? We are in the south metro.

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