Sometimes I need a good, swift kick in the…

Butt… I was going to say butt.

I have been feeling especially overwhelmed for some time now, but this feeling of “overwhelm” has come into glaring focus as of late. I am always feeling like I am two steps behind and struggling far more often than I am functioning.

But…

What I realized today after having yet another mini meltdown [with witnesses] is this: I am looking at things all wrong…

I have PILES of laundry.

I have laundry that needs sorting; laundry that needs washing; laundry that needs drying; laundry that needs folding, and laundry that needs to be put away AND those piles mean that we have clean clothes to put on our bodies. Seriously, how lucky are we?!!!!!!  To see those piles as anything other than a blessing is shameful.

My house is strewn with toys.

This one really makes me want to kick my own ass butt. I HAVE KIDS!!!! TWO OF THEM!!! I didn’t think I was going to have kids. Enough said.

I have a graduate assignment due on Wednesday and I don’t even have my text books yet. 

I live in a country that doesn’t in any way restrict  or limit my access to education, and beyond that, I live in a country that will give me a loan so that I CAN pursue an advanced degree! I’m a lucky duck.

I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

Oh my. How unfortunate for me [please use a highly sarcastic tone while reading that]. Tomorrow I am going to drive my healthy self to a store to buy fruits and vegetables and all sorts of [mostly] nourishing foods for my family. For goodness sakes, there are people who don’t have clean water to drink!! [Self talk: “Self, you are a dumbass.”]

I need to clean house. 

I have a house… I have a home. Within that home I have a family. It’s not huge, it’s not perfect, but it is MORE than enough.

The grass needs to be cut. 

I have a yard…  beyond that, I am healthy and I can run and jump and play out there with my family (daily if I choose). It need not be said, but I am going to say it again: how lucky am I?

I am surrounded by blessings and opportunity. I have everything I need and MORE! Sometimes, like most of us, I need a good swift kick in the…

butt. I was going to say butt.

Today I kicked my own, and told myself this: burdens only exist when you fail to appreciate the gifts.

IMG_6135

Advertisements

I wasn’t going to skip pages…

IMG_0611

Incredible highs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before becoming “Mom” to my little Mr. and Miss, my pre-kid brain held thousands of “when I’m a mom…” ideals.

Just to name a few:

I was going to breast feed for one year. No more. No less.

I was NEVER going to yell… Curse? [GASP] Not me!!!!!

I would implement time-outs “by the book” and I would NOT give in. Mom is boss.

I would never, ever, ever skip pages of bedtime stories.

I would never ignore my child – I would listen whole-heartedly to every word spoken.

I would never be annoyed by them. Never.

Their father and I would never argue in front of them.

I would be a great mom!!!

Notice any trends? Yup – a whole lot of “I will never(s)”…

Truth be told:

I breast fed Rex for 10 weeks, gave up and bought formula. I nursed Sydney for 15 months and feared I would have to pump throughout her elementary years.

I yell… a lot… Sometimes I swear. It’s not easy to admit that.

Rex got time-outs in a consistent, systematic fashion… for awhile… Now I hardly follow through with them for either kid.

Bedtime stories? Every night :)… aaaaaand almost every night, I skip at least a few pages.

Sometimes I am convinced that if I hear the same question repeated ONE.MORE.TIME my head is going to spin and fall right off. It hasn’t yet, but I’m still not convinced that it won’t. I don’t “ignore” them per se, but sometimes I tune them out… that’s probably why my head hasn’t fallen off yet. Annoyed? Yeah, that happens a lot. I’m not proud of it.

Their Dad and I have arguments. You know why? Because marriage is hard and parenting is hard. Parenting+marriage sometimes seems impossible…

But, despite my failures, I do think I’m a good mom.

Let me explain…

I fed my babies when they needed to be fed. It didn’t matter whether it was formula or breast milk. They were nourished and they thrived.

I don’t yell all the time. Most of the time I speak calmly and quietly. When I do yell, I apologize. I take their little faces in my hands and I say, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I love you.” Thankfully, their little hearts are very forgiving.

I am trying my best to be consistent because I know they need and want boundaries. It’s a work in progress. I’m not above admitting that.

I read to them ALMOST every night. Sure I skip pages, but they don’t know that. They just know I snuggle them close and tell them stories.

I’m human and I have very human moments in which I behave badly. I have ignored them and I have been annoyed by them… but I am their BIGGEST.FAN.IN.THE.WHOLE.WIDE.WORLD. Truly. I love them with every ounce of my being. Without them, I would cease to exist.

Their father and I don’t have a perfect marriage, but we’re a family and we are trying.

Pre-kid, I had ideals and opinions about everything, and I was convinced that there was distinct “right way” and “wrong way” to do everything.

If I could go back and tell my pre-kid self anything, I would say: There is no “right way” and the only “wrong way” is thinking you are doing it “right.” You are going to have good days and bad days, incredible highs, and frightening lows. It is going to be harder than you can even imagine, but it’s completely and totally worth it and you are going to love it (most of the time).

Oh, one more thing… It would be wise to eliminate the word “never” from your vocabulary… 😉